I am the daughter of an interracial couple who always celebrated my natural hair. My mother would buy me coconut cream while my dad would comment on my hair positively, encouraging me to keep it natural. However, I would then turn on the TV and see white people with straight hair, I would go to the streets and see white people with straight hair, I would go to school and see white people with straight hair… This became obvious to me that I had to do something to actually look like them, and altering my hair nature was the easiest thing I could think of.
This might not be the experience of many mixed-race people but I grew up in a family where two cultures were always living in total harmony. I therefore grew up thinking that whatever your culture or ethnic group you should belong everywhere. This means that I never struggled with my identity, until I got that reality check from both white and black communities. Navigating the outside world as a mixed-race girl became a struggle straight away but I am now seeing my identity as valuable and worthy.
I stopped relaxing my hair 8 years ago but continued to straighten it as I internalised the idea that I would always be more beautiful with straight hair anyway. I then got in a relationship that changed the way I saw myself. Having someone who looked very different to me, someone I loved, highlighting my beauty in a way I never explored before really changed me. Sometimes, all you need is a little nudge really.
Sadly, I still straighten my hair for time to time, especially when I am heading to parties or events where I know a lot of white people will attend. This shows how ingrained this is! I am working on myself though and will definitely get where I need to be.