10 years of relaxers! 10 years of putting my health and my hair health in danger for the sole objective of fitting in and being pretty.
My curly hair to me was simply a characteristic that I believed made me unattractive, a self-hatred process that led me to say to my black mother that it was her fault that I wasn’t beautiful…
Can you imagine how painful it must have been for her? My sister and I hate ourselves now for saying such things to the woman who raised us and did her best to encourage us to love the way we naturally are.
My sister did the big chop and really pushed me to go down a similar route. I remember being convinced that I would never do this. Progressively I became more interested in the natural hair movement, considering cutting my hair short, and also started thinking about my future children.
How could I send a good message to my future curly children if I don’t ever question the fact that I am not showing my natural self to them. It would be like openly lying to them.
I will do my best so that my children don’t have to experience the same frustration as me at a younger age.
When I was in primary school, all my white girlfriends had square cut hairstyles. I naively became convinced that by cutting my hair the same length as them, my curls would straighten. I grabbed a pair of scissors one day and did it. You can imagine my mother’s reaction when she woke up and saw me like this…
I completely understand women who hide their hair under weaves or wigs. I was in that situation, shaming myself because I looked different, because my hair was bigger and curlier than what the world was used to see.
However, I would advise these same women to try and unlearn the negative messaging they internalised when it comes to their hair. This hair is what nature gave you…Embrace it.